something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I want her autograph on my taint
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
