Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
