Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
