I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
