Well douche your snatch and let's go!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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