My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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