You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
