you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
