Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
