he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
