im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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