I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
