Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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