Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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