what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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