just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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