So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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