Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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