So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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