Pants 0. Shit 1.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Randomize
