Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
