You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
