First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
