"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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