We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
