just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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