I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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