God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
