grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
