My hair reeks of homosexuality.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
