Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
