i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
we're making bets on your personal life
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
