and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
