are you still at the devil's house?
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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