After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
