Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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