it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
