Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
did you just send me my own nude
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
