dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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