you're like a bully in the Christmas story
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
