Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
