Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My life is pants optional.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
