Please, let me fuck your mom
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
