Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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