Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
