You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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