My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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