OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Mom said you looked used
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
