someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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