her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
